I am getting really antsy. I noticed some blood last night when I took my progesterone capsules. Yesterday was Day 12, so that could be implantation bleeding. I had hot flashes last night and am still enduring them this morning. Also noticed slight bleeding/spotting this morning. I'm actually feeling sick. I'm not sure if this is from being stressed out that this bleeding is the start of my period/miscarriage or if my allergies are coming back. My nose is stuffed, feeling kind of nauseated and like I have a pit at the bottom of my stomach. I hate going to the washroom, but I find that I constantly need to go pee! It's rather annoying!In my mind, I have been constantly repeating to myself to not overanalyse things and to just give my worries to God. Yesterday's sermon was also timely. I was about Joseph's rise to success from slavery. Main message: God has a good plan for all of us. We will endure a rollercoaster of emotions and ordeals but in the end, God is good to us. What He envisions for us may not necessarily be what we want when we want it, but it will work out in the end. I am a control freak, have been all my life. I am a planner and many of the major events in my life did not go according to "my plan". But in many ways, I know I am a better person because of that. **************PERSONAL THOUGHTS & PONDERINGS**************
Over the past few years, I have felt a calling to go on another mission trip to South east Asia. However, I wasn't sure how I could serve to really utilize my gift. So, instead of travelling abroad to make an impact, I decided to incorporate some of my core values into my workplace. Last year, I taught a whole unit about the Khmer Rouge and the Cambodian people in social studies. I even incorporated knowledge that I had acquired through sermons at church into topics for discussion. These are things I would have not dared to do a few years ago. But I was so glad that I did. I had great discussions with my students about children's rights and for being grateful for the simple pleasures in life we take for granted. I think this is where my passion lies. Every child should go to school. No child should lead a life of prostitution to survive. Any one person can make a difference in the world. Age doesn't matter; only your personal will. I linked this underlying message to my Team LA unit about Global Citizenship and to a school fundraiser and my own classroom fundraiser. I was quite happy with my lesson planning, but now here's the challenge... is there anything else I can do to further model my passion?I've thought about international adoption in the past, but my husband is a very traditional Asian man. =) He wasn't interested. His mind is set on having a child that has his traits. I don't blame him, I want the same the thing... Anyways, I was never really interested in adopting from China, but was very interested in adopting from Thailand, Cambodia or Vietnam. Why these countries? It is in these very countries that girls become targets for sex trade. I think I mentioned this idea to somebody at some point in my life and their response was, "Do you know most of those children are very sick with diseases like AIDS?" My response at the time was, "Yes, I am aware of that, but surely there must be healthier ones too." I soon filed this idea in the back of mind for a few years... 5 years...I'm not sure if we're ready to adopt yet, but I sent for some information about international adoption last week. I read the material yesterday. Cambodia is not an option (political thing), but Vietnam and Thailand are definite possibilities. What shocked me was not only the cost ($15K-20K), but that they don't guarantee an adoption even if everything is done correctly! The wait list for Vietnam and Thailand is about 1-2 years, but for China is now closer to 3 years!!! The positive news is that for the first time in world history, there is more demand for healthy orphaned children abroad than there are children. It's a good thing that these kids are being saved from dire circumstances and have a chance at a better life. I had a chance to briefly to discuss this with my hubby yesterday, apparently he wasn't shocked at the figures because he had already looked into that option! His response was, "For that price, we could do 2 rounds of IVF!" For which he is right... neither option guarantees you anything. In case you haven't figured it out, my husband and I are not risk takers. It took us about 2 years to finally decide to try IVF and it has been a very emotionally challenging journey. If you were to ask me if it has been worth it, I can't really say. I am still in the midst of the fog, but I don't regret giving this a shot. Both of our parents have been very supportive throughout this endevour, both financially and to the best of their ability, emotionally.The IVF part of this journey was technically over 10 days ago. Not sure if this pregnancy journey will be coming to a close yet, but it's been a pleasure sharing it with you so far.
